What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
