I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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