There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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