FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
