Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
