; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
