my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
