2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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