My brain says no but my pants say off.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
