I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
