There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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