$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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