I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
