and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
