I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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