dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
