Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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