We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
