i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
