So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize