i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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