I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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