don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
