im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
