1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
