he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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