Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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