I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
