I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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