A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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