An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
