You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
