Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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