he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
