He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
