We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
