My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
