dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
