Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
