absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize