she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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