We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
