Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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