whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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