Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize