you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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