I want to have your abortion
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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