i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
