we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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