I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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