I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
