dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm always down for nudity.
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