That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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