I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
