textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
