someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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