Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
