ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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