I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize