dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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