I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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