dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
